Waxing Philosphical... How do you stop time?

100_8321, originally uploaded by callaghanse.

I have been working on this dilemma since Sea-monster was born. The time is just slipping through my fingers faster than sand it seems.

Even faster these days.

He started preschool the beginning of January and I cried.

I don't cry.

Well, sometimes, but it has to be pretty upsetting. Usually I just get mad or sad and depressed and yell... a lot. Then as quickly as I explode, it's over. Apologies follow and I move on. Crying is usually saved for moments when the stress is too much and yelling isn't going to help. I guess Sea's first day of school was one of these days. It snuck up on me though, because I thought I was handling it so well.

Once, Sea was diagnosed with autism we labored over every decision twice as much as before. The whole transitioning process from home-based therapy to preschool was a nightmare. And despite the headaches and sleepless nights that making a decision caused, we finally made one. All the while crossing our fingers and toes. Luckily, it seems that we did, in fact, make the right decision.

However, on the day he started school, he climbed into the school bus and he was strapped into the car seat. My little boy looked at me and said, "OK. Bye, Bye Mama. I go. See you!" The door was closed and shortly there after the driver pulled out of the driveway and started down the road.

I completely lost it.

Where did the time go?

The dialog running through my mind... He's too little! Yes, he will be 3, but... He'll only be JUST 3!!! He's still a baby... my baby.

Well, he returned 3 hours later, fast asleep. Exhausted and happy. Everyone raving about what a good day he had.

Probably sugar coated because it was his first day. We don't call him Sea-beast for nothing.

But, none the less, he got through it and it was a good start.

He has missed two days total, so far. One, because he had his yearly Dr. checkup-- passed with flying colors! And two, due to a snow day-- part and parcel for this area.

On the days he missed, he kept going to the door and saying, "Look! A door. Bye, bye bus. Let's go!"

As the weeks have gone on and a month has sped by, the consensus is that he loves school. He is still adjusting to the structure, but it seems to be what he needs.

He talks more.

He's more outgoing.

He's affectionate.

He's calmer and can be calmed easier.

And I'm more charmed by him than ever before. And I was very charmed already!

I love his personality. Yes, he has personality. He is a little person with his own sense of self. Striving to make his voice heard.

Amazing.

So, I still want to stop time and always keep him little, but I know that this is impossible, impractical, and he's not going to let me do it anyway.

He's stubborn and fiercly independent, just like me. Not necessarily the highlights of his personality (or mine), but important ones. I think, anyway.

So, I have pictures and written words to remember the silly and wonderful, as well as maybe the not so wonderful, moments in his life. And I will continue to document these moments. All the while annoying the child in the process, but I like to think that he will come to appreciate it later on.

And, honestly, seeing him grow into the person he will someday be is so much better than preserving the unfinished version for eternity.